xanthan gum

...This isn't narrative.... Anyway.. The rhyme is a bit forced, the third stanza's lines are too long so they're off rhythm. Then you discard both rhyme and rhythm for the ...

Cannot...highlight...cannot...edit. *sobs* The second line is useless. Um. I would love you if this was typed. I really think it needs some revision I could help with, but oetherwise it ...

I am going to say how many syllables each line needs. Invisible, I disappear into my mental gloom. 0 Unseen, I creep into the sweet haven of my room. 0 ...

I agree with MH. Your wording was awkward, and his is less so. If you aren't to apply it, at least consider changing it somewhat. By the way - WHERE ...

After various training, I've learned to control some of it. But I have an irritating business, a strong arm. I can't help it if lives are lost, right? --Empri Temper? ...

usually with much ice-cold gin. grin even if it is glamorous to think so. and " Since when are you so fastidious? I've never heard somebody say "fastidious" so casually, ...

I think "beautiful" should be italicaized or whatever, not underlined. Your choice, naturally. (golden lads and girls all must , as chimney sweepers, come to dust) I think you should ...

not too hot that the heat permeated every pore and cell so that movement was made impossible *grumbles* I still think you should take out "made". But I'm stubborn like ...

I have no idea who Elliot is. I'll have to look it up. Thanks, though, for the critique. Very useful. I don't get them often enough.

Add punctution like you were actually writing it in story form. For example: I beseech you, child of our time, who wanders in the everlasting light, and holds the hand ...

Hhah. "No, mother, I didn't drink the vodka, I showered with it." sarcasm =] besides, I didn't lay a finger on the vodka. I'm all good and sober like that.

I got the feelings admist the jumbled vocabulary. But it's a bit too disconnected - you start up something new and then "Commence end". You never finished what you stared. ...

scaring-looking kids Chirs grabs my arm I It was for kids. “but I have to gome spelling... He can’t help it: every evening he’s with Chris part of him keeps ...

Apple grinds are not filtered out; they cling to the capillary walls inside you, speaking selfless confidence in your ears during your wasteland-nights. It slides off your skin into a ...

Great beginning, great ending. But if somebody had never read your story or if they simply knew nothing about you, they would have no idea what you were talking about. ...